It's about time for my monthly guest post. Thanks to sweet Wafa' for accepting my invitation to post on my blog. Wafa's blog is one of the first blogs I started to read and enjoy. She has a very special way in writing and talking about things. You can tell from her blog that she is very humanitarian. She always seeks peace and love for all humans!
It is an honor to have your post here Wafa' :)
"Lovely Susu invited me to write a post on her blog which i love dearly.
So many topics rush into my mind when i first saw the email and kept wondering what will i write about, but the topic that came in my mind first and stuck was "hate", dunno why? probably cuz it fills my life to the "hate" point actually.
i didn't grow up in a "loving" surroundings, there were hate between families, hate between siblings, hate for this person and hate for the other one. And with the lack of love too , hate will just take control.
Being "almost" the youngest makes you neglected mostly and invisible so you can see and do things without the realization of others.And it makes you the target too cuz no one will notice either.
But you know what, most times i am not grumpy about what happened over my childhood and most of my life. The older i got the more i realize how lucky i was, how much good this hate has turn me into. Yes, i do have my share of ups and downs but i tend to get up quicker than falling, So maybe this hate has taught me something.
One of the things that "hate" taught me is/was to be more understanding . Understanding of the scars these people who hurt me might have, the pain and the sufferings they must have been in that make them hurt and transfer them into a person who hurts others.
We keep insisting on "remembering only the goods about the dead" and i like that but when i think about my father and all that had happened, i keep wondering about his childhood. I never knew it , i know that he has lost his father when he was young and he was the eldest. But i wonder how did the death of his father affect him ? How being the eldest son who would have to work for his younger ones make him feel? .
Was he happy about it? Was he sad and angry cuz he didn't have the chance to study and be someone whom he might wish to be ? .
He was married before my mother and has two kids who died young. How did that affect him?
wow, now i am thinking is he with them right now? .
Sometimes working hard and not getting what you think you deserve makes you live in anger and destroy your inner self. Did working hard for his younger brother and getting nothing in return made him less caring about his second family "us" ?.
I don't hate my father not only because he is dead but also because i am trying my best to understand him and love him instead of hating him.
The cycle must stop and be cut at one point, so why not make it stop right now. Hate is like digging a hole to bury your haters in forgetting that the sand and mud of that hole is all over you.
I don't want to hate anyone, i want to try to understand their surroundings and i don't have to "know" these surroundings to actually understand them but just the idea that
"they are like me, the have tough times ,sadly they can not get out of these tough times so the least i can not hate them" .
And that's not a belittling them, it's actually a way to stretch a hand and show that we are similar in so many ways and that today i can understand you and forgive you and one day you can understand me and forgive me too.
BTW,forgiving doesn't necessarily mean forgetting. But understanding and loving can make you forget sometimes.
P.S: This topic is not ONLY about my father but he as merely an example of people whom i didn't have a good relationship with or hated due to the way they hurt me badly. Before you judge me over your religion views, try to love me :)"