Lately in pictures!

First, please welcome my new camera! I'm in love with it. I can finally become the professional photographer I always wanted to be! Just kidding :)

Here are some of the pictures we took with the new camera.

Japanese Lilies in my front yard 

 The zoom lens is amazing

Hubby got those aged cheese from Netherlands last week

 I made those Swiss rolls last week

 Stroop waffles with tea

The cake I made on my hubby's birthday

‪I love Dayem

I really don't because I simply never tried Dayem products!! But this is my daughters' favorite commercial on TV this Ramadan, and it's mine too! My favorite part is Qaddafi's voice in the background, do you hear it ? :)

Zanga, zanga. Dar, Dar!

It took until June, actually!

Today I sent the research paper to my advisor. Yeah, finally! I was so optimistic in my previous post when I thought it would be in April.

The question now, did I achieve all the things I listed in that post by now? Let's see:

• It's officially Spring here. But it took until the end of May for Spring and warm weather!
• Baby Aboudy is much bigger mashallah! He crawls now, but he still, sometimes, wakes up once during the night! But I sleep much better, elhamdulellah.
• Unfortunately, I'm not back to my pre-pregnancy weight yet. I look much better and I feel so close but still need to work more on those extra pounds!
• It's only 18 days till our trip to Amman. And I still miss my family and friends so much! I also still need to do tons of shopping!
• DONE!
• CLEAR!

I'm on Twitter!!

I started tweeting couple of days ago. And I think I love it. Follow me at @BlackSusu

Another random post!

Nothing much is going on around here! I'm just busy getting my research paper done. I hate to be away from blogging for that long but I'm really busy. And when I'm a little free I try to do things I really enjoy and unfortunately blogging is not on the list these days!!

Today is my younger daughter's birthday. She is 5 today, and she is so excited about it. She even wanted to go bed early last night to make her birthday come faster!

Nothing much other than that. Busy but happy and content :)

What do you expect?!

I've decided to lower my expectations because I've discovered that they are (for some) unrealistically high. This should be my strategy for getting more peace of mind, hopefully. 

"The higher my expectations, the lower my serenity."

Back under control

I'm just so proud of myself! I finally got my life organized and under control. It was uneasy and took a while but it worked. I now find myself able to work on my research, take care of my family, exercise, and hang out with my friends without feeling overwhelmed or overload. YAY!!

I'm also trying to get my emotions under control. I still don't feel like I'm fully back as before, so today I made some decisions or rules that I need to follow. I will discuss this here later. I just need to give myself time to see how good I will follow these rules!

It's me on the treadmill (behind the camera for sure!!)

A night post!

It's another snow day, or you can call it an ice day. Despite the fact that I'm not a fan of snow anymore, I was glad to get some extra sleep this morning after the hard time I had last night after the root canal. Sad to say that I need to go back in three weeks to get the root canal done, because the dentist said it can't be done in one session!!

It's 8:10 PM now and we just came back home couple of hours ago! Yes, we went out in this messy weather to get our hair cut, I mean the girls' and mine, while hubby (or the boys) went to grab some pizza. Just finished dinner, before hubby shut his office's door to finish his late meeting, one of those several nightly meetings he has to do every week with overseas workmates. He recently discovered that he has to travel to Singapore around the end of this month. I was not happy to hear that since I'm not a fan of his work trips, neither his late meetings.

I just got an email that schools are closing tomorrow. Ice storm is supposed to get worse tonight. Hopefully there will be no power outage. I also hope we have a better day than today because everything was not going right since the morning. Started with a call that made me really angry.  It's unbelievable how impolite some people could be! And ended up with some damages in my car and home appliances!

Now I'll leave you with a quote by Amr khaled. I like it because I find (found) it somehow true:

إذا رفعت أحد فوق قدره ... فتوقع منه ان يضعك دون قدرك

Good night!

Why Am I desperately looking forward to April?!!

• It's going to be officially Spring here. I miss Spring already!
• Baby Aboudy will be bigger (around 6 months old), which means sleeping through the night (or at least this is what I'm hoping)! I really can't wait to get at least 5 continuous hours of sleep!
• I'll be in my pre-pregnancy weight, hopefully!!! I'm counting on the coming months to lose the extra weight.
• It's going to be only two months away from our trip to Amman. I miss my family and friends so much!
• I will be done with my second dissertation paper by then, hopefully. I'll try my best!!
• I went through a lot in the last few months. I guess by April, things will be cleared out! Also, the postpartum phase will be behind and so the right decisions about things and people around will be made. No vagueness, not anymore!!

2011 Resolutions

To be honest I never put a new year resolutions before. At the end of any year I just look back and see what I accomplished in that year; what are the best and worst things happened to me. I try to learn from my mistakes so I don't do them again. Or feel happy for the good things Allah helped me to do or achieve (since good things are always from Allah and bad things are from me and the devil).

Looking back at 2010, I see that the only and BEST thing I accomplished was having baby Abdurahman. I feel like I spent the whole year between pregnancy, delivery, and taking care of him. I know that I had rough times during these days but it is all worth it. Seeing him smiling which just happened recently erases all those hard moments.

Now writing down my 2011 resolutions:

• Finishing my PhD!!!! It has been one of my goals for the last three years and unfortunately it was not achieved :( I'm optimistic that I will be able to do it this year though, inshallah!
• Losing weight. I guess this is another repeated resolution because I always want to lose weight no matter how thin I am :) I also need to exercise on a routine basis. I'm thinking about doing some Yoga this year.
• I will try to forgive myself and others more.
• I will show my husband, kids, and anyone I love how much I care about them.
• I will think and maybe start working on that thing, my own thing, I want to do. Something I really enjoy doing and will benefit others. More details to come...

Have a peaceful and healthy new year, everyone!

I'm back :)

Actually, it did not take that long! I mean my break from blogging. Well, I promised to come back only when I have something good to talk about and I'm not sure if I have that thing. But I feel so good these days, and may be telling you how good I feel deserves blogging. Maybe I have to, after I bothered you with all those depressing posts!!!

Thank God I'm feeling better. The last couple of months were miserable. I guess I started to feel lonely, overwhelmed, and depressed the day my husband went back to work after the c-section. I had to resume my all responsibilities as a mom and wife, and I guess I was not fully ready to do so. Despite all my husband's help and understanding, I still could not manage it. I needed help, mentally and physically. But my husband was there all the time. I guess without his support, help, and love, I wouldn't be able to move on and feel better.

I was so sensitive, emotional, and confused. I couldn't control my feelings, and I even couldn't think right. I found myself getting angry for the silliest things. I couldn't handle crying for nothing. When I remember these things now, I feel so silly!!

Okay, what happened to make things better? I have no idea! And I think I'm not all better, but much better, I guess. I feel myself again, I can think right again, and I can enjoy things again! One of the things that helped was going out more. I stayed home most of the time in the last couple of months. Having a newborn and nursing him made hanging out uneasy. Cold weather made things more miserable. So last week my husband decided to work from home for the whole week so I can hang out everyday in the morning while the girls at school. He took care of the baby while I'm out. I had the chance to do something different each day. I went shopping on one day, had a lunch with my girl friends on another day. Feeling free again made all the difference.

Before getting to the end of this post I just want to mention something. Few weeks ago I wrote something about friendship; how keeping up friendship is hard. It's true, especially when you feel down. It's sometimes not your friends' fault as it's yours. Mad people can't be understanding and forgiving as they should be. I know that I have always to find excuses and to give more chances to my friends, but I didn't. I need to listen more and talk less, since talking does not always help. It didn't help in my case!

I guess that was a long post. Thanks for hanging on with me! It feels good to be back :)

Guest Post!!

Last night my husband got an awesome idea for my blog which I found really interesting. He suggested me to invite some of my readers to write a post for me that I can publish on my blog. I decided to call it a "Guest Post". The guest author will pick the topic. This post will appear on my blog once a month. 
Now, if you happened to comment on one of my posts expect me to send you an invitation :)

Since my hubby is the one who suggested this and since he is one of my regular readers, he is gonna have to be the first to invite. Waiting for your post, honey :)

I guess this is going to be a good come back!

ME freaking out!!

First, Thanks to Wafa' for tagging me in "7 weird facts about yourself" post. Right now I think I'm all weird and everything about me is weird as well, seriously! So until I get out of this phase, I can't tell the 7 weirdest facts about me ;)

Second, I'm really not a drama queen who tends to overreact to seemingly minor incidents. But I recently can't deny that I act like a one. I'm starting to be a boring blogger, I know :(

Let's change the subject before I say something that could make anyone mad. Guess what, this brought another subject here. It is about my blog and people in my personal life like family and friends who read it!! I'm the one who chose to share my blog with friends when I posted a link to it on FB, since it was the place where I wanted to post my food recipes. To be honest, I didn't expect everyone knows about it to read it on a regular basis. 

The reason I'm talking about this that I recently started to hesitate talking about some stuff in my life because at some point it could be related to one of the readers. I didn't want my blog to be a secret in the first place, however I wanted to write everything I feel talking, good or bad, with no limits. Sometimes I pretend that I don't know any of my readers in person so I can write whatever I want, but before publishing the post I find my self changing a word or another, deleting a sentence or even a paragraph!! I love my friends and I don't want them to get mad, so what do you think, do I need to stop talking about things that are related to my readers?

Before letting you go, here is an update about my weight. I have not been counting points for a while now because, I guess, I'm not in a good mood. However, I'm still watching my food. I mean I try to eat healthy as much as I can and I guess this is the whole point from WW plan. I lost only one pound since my last post which brings the total weight lost to 8 lb in less than a month. This is not bad but I think I need to keep going on eating healthier with or without counting points.

Have a good weekend everyone!

Thank you!

I didn't know how sad my yesterday's post was until I got some of your messages, calls, and comments. I really appreciate your concern. I feel better today, still not in a perfect mood and still can't get some of the things happening around, but I'm trying to be wise and forget about it. 

Thank you, my friends!

Have a nice pre-Eid weekend, everyone!

Are you busy getting ready for Eid! I bet you are!! Just wanted to wish you all a good weekend. Don't forget me from your prayers in these holy days especially on Arafa day.

Happy Eid preparation :)

Random

 

كراوية

• I made this caraway dessert for my friends who came to visit last weekend. It was so good!
• Today is our 9th wedding anniversary. I'm simply still in love :)
• Baby Abdurahman is still consuming most of my time.
• I have not left the house for three weeks (except for doctor's visits and dropping or picking my daughters).
• I miss shopping so much! I'm planning to buy a new boot, coat, and handbag next week! I've already found what I want online and can't wait to go to Bloomingdale's to get them :)
• I'm drinking more than 2 liters of water everyday. I feel thirsty all the time!
• Still can't fit in my old clothes! I'm on track though.
• I'm still looking for a nickname for baby Abdurahman. Any suggestions? Don't suggest Abboud please! :)
• It's getting really cold and I'm not liking it.
• I desperately need a vacation.
• I will cook okra (bamyeh) today :)

What is a Midlife Crisis?

I was talking to my husband the other day and the phrase "Midlife Crisis" came by. We were talking about how some people change their life in a dramatic way sometime as they get older. Ridiculously, I sometimes use this word whenever I see a mid-age person does something to look younger, i.e. shaving his mustache, having a Botox, ..., etc. However, it's more serious than that!! The following is what I found online about the midlife crisis. I found it interesting since my husband and I are in our thirties!!! Thankfully, my husband is still growing a light beard and I have not done any Botox yet :)

Note: Don't forget to check the list above. My answers were "YES" to all of them except the Harley Davidson one ;)

"A midlife crisis is experienced between the ages of 40 and 60. It was first identified by the psychologist Carl Jung and is a normal part of the maturing process. Most people will experience some form of emotional transition during that time of life. A transition that might cause you to take stock in where you are in life and make some needed adjustments to the way you live your life. Most seem to come through the process smoothly without making major life changes.

For some, a midlife crisis is more complicated. It can be an uncomfortable time emotionally which can lead to depression and the need for psychotherapy. Those who have a hard time with this transitional stage might experience a range of feelings such as:

• Unhappiness with life and the lifestyle that may have provided them with happiness for many years.
• Boredom with people and things that may have been of interest to them before.
• Feeling a need for adventure and change.
• Questioning the choices, they have made in their lives and the validity of decisions they made years before.
• Confusion about who they are and where they are going.
• Anger at their spouse and blame for feeling tied down.
• Unable to make decisions about where they want to go with their life.
• Doubt that they ever loved their spouse and resentment over the marriage.
• A desire for a new and passionate, intimate relationship. 

Most people who have a difficult time during midlife and go into crisis mode do so because of external factors. They may be experiencing stress in their life that makes the transition more difficult or they may have childhood issue that were never dealt with that come to the surface during this time."

Routine is back...

to our life after a busy Ramadan and a joyous Eid, el7amdellah. I always feel sad when Ramadan ends regardless of all the stress we go under in the holy month here in the states. May Allah give us the opportunity to be present for next Ramadan.

Our Eid was really good. We went to the prayer in the morning and then had breakfast there at the Masjid. We then headed home to call family and friends. After getting some rest, we went to one of our favorite places that we really miss in Ramadan, Barnes and Noble. At dinner time we went with our friends to a Mexican restaurant before heading to their house to have some tea. It was a fun and busy day!

On the second day of Eid we went to Sesame place amusement park with our friends. We spent the whole day there where the girls had so much fun. On Sunday, the last day of Eid, the girls went with their dad and bought their Eid's gift, a Wii. They used the money they got as a gift on Eid (3eedeyeh) to buy it. We spent the day playing with it. It's really cool :) 

I'm really happy that we were able to make the Eid joyous and fun for the girls!

I'm right now craving Turkish coffee!!! I'm trying to cut on caffeine when I'm pregnant but I sometimes can't. I guess as soon as I finish this post I will be fixing myself some and enjoy it with some of the dark chocolate I got from Belgium. Yes, these chocolate my husband got for me from Belgium. They are really yummy and irresistible. I also got a Lancome makeup palette, and the girls got stuffed bunnies. I just love gifts, who does not ? ;)

Thanks honey!

With less than 4 weeks to go, I'm really busy getting ready for delivery. I have too many things to do in the coming few weeks just like painting the baby's room, getting the furniture in it, hospital registration, and much much more. By the way, last week I bought this cute diaper bag. I really love it :)

That's it for now. Keep tuned for updates :)

In four years..

Good morning,

I'm so sleepy this morning. I don't get enough sleep at all these days. Anyway, I hope I will get better sleep in the week left of Ramadan. My husband is coming today, and I guess him being away is one of the reasons that I can't sleep well during the night. Also, this weekend will be a long one due to Labor Day on Monday which means I can stay longer in bed in the morning :)

  
Following Wafa' s tag (I know this is kind of late), here are some of the things that I hope to happen to me in the coming four years:

1. Where do I want to be in four years? 

Absolutely in Amman! I hope we will be back home by then, settled down in our own house.

I can't deny that I love it her in the US, and that I have too many friends here, but I just can't imagine myself and my family living here forever. We have to go back home someday, and if we have to, it should be sooner while the kids are young enough to adjust to life there. I don't want it to be hard on them which will be so hard on us too. I want my kids to raise in a normal way without thinking or feeling different. My first priority is to raise them in a right Islamic way. Many will say that I can do that here, I know, but that will put too much pressure on them and me.  

2. What do I hope to happen in four years? 

I hope to be a better Muslim. I just wish I can do something good for Islam, anything! I always wish to give a good impression of Islam and a bright picture for a Muslim woman because this could be a call "Da3wa" to Islam. 

I also wish we will be able to go Omra with the girls. My husband and I have been blessed by doing Hajj last year. However, it was too crowded to enjoy both Harams. So we decided, inshallah, to go there again for Omra and to take the girls with us so we all enjoy worshiping there.

3. I hope to have a good job in four years. Maybe be a teaching position at a good university (assuming I will be done with my PhD degree by then)! I also hope to run my own business on the side. A business that is related to something I like, for example Hijab fashion, cooking, home decor, or all together! Big dreams, I know :)

4. Finally, as Wafa' mentioned, I just hope my family and I will be in a better place, emotionally and financially.  

I also wish to love and be loved more :) 

Random thoughts!!

Today I couldn't stop thinking about my dissertation. I just feel overwhelmed and kind of confused! I'm one of those who believes that there is a light at the end of tunnel, no matter how long the tunnel is, but I just can't handle the frustration sometimes!

More than 1/2 of Ramadan is already over! Subhan Allah time flies by so fast. Talking a bout Ramadan, I'm really shocked of this attack against practicing Muslims and hijab by some of the Arabic TV series aired this Ramadan. I just wonder if those series writers or actors/actresses are the right ones to judge practicing Muslims. Why are they trying to make every practicing Muslim a terrorist? And since when was the hijab a matter of choice in Islam?! No Muslim can deny that it's a command from Allah! On the other hand, who said that hijab is locking Muslim woman in a cage. Most of the successful, high educated, classy Muslim women I know are wearing hijab!!!!

Note that I'm not judging Muslim sisters who are not wearing hijab. I have many close friends who are not wearing hijab, but they all believe that hijab is a mandatory "fard" and that they have to do it sometime. And here is the point, not wearing hijab but believing it is a command from Allah and that not doing it is a fault "haram" is so different than denying it. PERIOD! 

Last time I was at the ultrasound place I got some cool 3D pictures for my baby. It was really amazing!

That's it for now. Have a good weekend :)